i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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