I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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