I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You ate ashes out of my bong
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
