"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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