hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
