I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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