Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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