i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
