Umm I'm too high to move.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
