Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
