Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
