Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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