Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't turn off my feet"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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