Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
