My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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