like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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