Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
