That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
