She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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