My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
