"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
