also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
