It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
