i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
