New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
