i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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