New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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