You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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