There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My life is pants optional.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
