i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
