I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i think i just lost a toe
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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