I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
