I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
