When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
