My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
