apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
