Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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