apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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