so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
