dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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