Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
