He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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