Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
