i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
