i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
