Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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