well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
