my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
