Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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