Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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