My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
