tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
